At 8am this morning, my phone sent me a photo of my oven to celebrate “a year ago today”. I laughed. I took it for inventory purposes because a year ago today, I moved to the UK. I can’t say “back” or “return” because the words feels wrong, like retreat or something. I can’t say I left Berlin, because I haven’t done that either. I might not be there physically at the moment, but internally, the city and my community there are a huge part of who, what and where I am as a person. I also think you can feel at home in various places simultaneously if you value and enjoy each on its own individual merit. Basically, I try to go “to” rather than “away from”. Where possible, at least!
What I notice in writing this – on the surface – simple line is how incredibly complex it can be to express thoughts and feelings clearly in language so that they ring true inside, never mind for others. I say this as a writer. It’s so easy to steer ourselves towards a belief or mindset because of a particular choice of words we latch on to and repeat until they become an automatic part of our chat, behaviour and story, sneakily without noticing. And suddenly, we’re stuck there, getting the same results and responses. We forget language is fluid, just as are we, and what we say impacts on that very personal journey.
Last year, I decided to move for both professional development and personal reasons – because I could make necessary changes faster and better by putting myself in my current environment. Although I’m fully aware that too could change again with time. I didn’t come to Eastbourne with a fixed plan on how long I would stay there: whether I would gravitate somewhere else, depending on work opportunities and lifestyle choices. I left that open because things happen. Life happens. And if you stick too rigidly to an agenda, it’s easy to overlook or ignore what you’re feeling in the present, and above all, miss all the good stuff.
So, I’ve been thinking quite intensively this weekend about changes and progress over the past year, about the rough plan I had in my head on literally running (with 40 kilos and a plant in hand) to catch the train in Berlin, the guard not even helping me lift my luggage. Laughable now, stressful then with 5 seconds to door closure and a twelve-hour journey ahead of me!
I guess it starts with that: choosing to move countries, crossing land and sea amid pandemic restrictions, in spite of Brexit bureaucracy and logistical shenanigans. Because to be honest, it would have been easier not to, lol. Except for the fact I can’t really back down once I feel I’ve moved on. You can’t unthink an idea, a plan, dream or goal you have in your head, even if you try to talk yourself out of it with all the inevitable inconveniences of making that change come about. Because it’ll just follow you around, occupy your thoughts and manifest in dissatisfaction until you finally take notice and do something about it: That moment where not going through with it costs you more energy than actually doing it.
But it starts with how you express your needs, your intentions, goals and successes in words. Be clearer in how you state them, and they will in turn become clearer and more apparent to you. Language matters. Start to talk more about what you want rather than what you don’t want, and you are already heading in the right direction.
It’s so easy to get caught up in day-to-day stresses, we don’t always stop to notice the stuff we’ve actually done well, created or achieved: the parts of ourselves that have developed, despite typical obstacles. It’s really interesting how many people say it’s “other people” who oppose their development or success because they want to cling on to the familiar old version, albeit non-beneficial to them. Growth can intimidate, but that’s not a good enough reason to compromise your own needs and the person you see yourself becoming.
You might ask: what’s in a word? Well, in a word: everything.
Could you benefit from changing the way you talk about yourself? Get in touch with me at Freeflow Coaching and let’s discover what you really want.
