Do you find yourself avoiding tricky, uncomfortable conversations, particularly in the workplace? Your logic being that you just want a quiet life: you want to avoid ill-feeling and conflict? You want to be liked and respected, and the last thing you want to do is upset the apple cart?
Don’t we all! And who can blame you? But the reality is things don’t always run according to plan. Team members and colleagues don’t always behave or perform as they should. And all too often, sticking our head in the sand for the sake of not rocking the boat only amplifies the ripples of misunderstanding further down the stream.
You might be thinking: But hey, hang on a second, this is also a cultural matter. In some cultures, tackling matters directly with relevant parties is not only accepted but desirable, whilst in other cultural settings, it is considered rude and undiplomatic to confront people head-on.
How v What
Remember though, the outcome of difficult dialogues frequently comes down to how you say what you say, rather than what you say. Think about your body language, your tone of voice and intonation. Be aware of the setting you need around you to feel more at ease holding such conversations.How about a quiet, private space, coffee and tea, maybe sit on a bench outside if the weather’s good? Consider what makes you feel physically comfortable.
Having spent a substantial part of my working life in Germany, straightforwardness in communication is definitely a behaviour I have learnt to value, especially in a business context. Expressing yourself clearly with clients is essential for maintaining good relations. Both parties need to know where they stand with one another. And it can certainly feel a lot more comfortable doing business with someone who lays everything out in black and white.
The comfort in clarity
Maybe it’s your responsibility to ensure the workplace is a pleasant, productive space to be. Nobody likes having awkward conversations with colleagues who aren’t pulling their weight or are clashing with other team members. These aren’t particularly nice conversations to have. But they’re sometimes necessary. You don’t want your colleagues walking all over you or other members of your team. And the more you practise being frank and candid about tricky matters, the easier it gets.
So how do you approach these uncomfortable conversations?
- Be prepared. Find out all sides to the story.
- Do what ever you need to do before the meeting to arrive in a calm state and choose the best possible setting for the conversation.
- Don’t go in all guns blazing, putting the other person on the defensive straight away! Show openness and curiosity, a willingness to understand their side, even if you are 95% sure of the facts.
Ambiguities can cause confusion which in turn can lead to error and conflict. Clarity in communication is all about minimising areas of misunderstanding, and that also means having conversations that we don’t necessarily enjoy but need to happen.
Interestingly, once people get used to the practice of holding uncomfortable conversations, they frequently develop an appreciation of them because they prove so rich in potential solutions and growth, not to mention human depth. When you transfer this approach to your personal life, there are similarly distinct benefits to be had in pursuing transparent dialogues with your nearest.
If you feel you or your team could do with support broaching uncomfortable conversations, get in touch with me at Freeflow Coaching and let’s get that dialogue started.