Your beliefs about yourself might currently seem real… But are they true?
There’s a big difference.
A client recently told me he was ashamed of a certain part of his body. But the funny thing was he said it in a way that was utterly
unconvincing! Nothing about his statement radiated shame or the like.
Writing this in retrospect, I can’t help smiling. I expect we’ve all, at some time or other, put ourselves down by spouting an out-of-date belief simply because it comes out as an automatic knee-jerk reaction – we haven’t allowed ourselves to filter.
So I queried it by saying “Are you sure?” He stopped short, slightly thrown, smiling. After a couple of seconds silence and hesitation, he said: You know what, it’s just something I’ve always said without noticing whether it was still valid!
The reality was, he’d stopped being bothered by this particular feature years ago!
Of course, some of our less friendly beliefs can be a lot more stubborn and even feed us a lifetime’s work in progress. However, the fact is what we say and what we internally believe about ourselves are sometimes incompatible or totally in conflict.
And it’s your job to put those invalid beliefs in their place: to consciously bin them when they’re past their sell-by date. Start to check in with yourself regularly because you’re changing and growing all the time. And whoever you thought you were 10 years ago, 5 minutes ago, is not who you are now.
Question those negative beliefs! The ones we beat ourselves up over… How true are they now? Or do you simply regurgitate them because a pre-packed, automated response is easier than reassessing where you really are on your growth path?
Stop. Think. Hold it up to the light and scrutinise.
Don’t do yourself an injustice.
How often do we catch ourselves or others saying: “I can never do such and such!”?
Really? Never?
What about the time where you did that thing amazingly?
We exaggerate, we generalise, we close off exceptions out of laziness because the truth of them requires EFFORT to acknowledge.
Most of us have fallen off a bike on a slippery patch or swallowed water in the sea when it gets a bit rough without meaning to. But does it mean we can’t ride a bike or swim well?
There’s no need for false modesty, incessant self-deprecation and criticism for things we can do and are, moreover, competent at. That only fuels the negative belief. And if a deficit isn’t genuine, we just come across as conceited and ungenuine ourselves.
Check the truth in what you say and hold yourself accountable to you. Exaggerated or invalid self-reproach and just creates drama, fiction and lowers our self-esteem when we allow ourselves to repeat it unnecessarily.
You’re growing all the time. Daily. Moment to moment. Learn when it’s time to revise your beliefs. And when to let go.
If you need support identifying and letting go of negative or out-of-date beliefs, get in touch with me at Freeflow Coaching, and let’s unravel who you really are.
