Being kind is overrated? Makes you soft or soppy? Think again. We’re our own harshest critics. We beat ourselves up for not only the smallest of slip-ups and errors, but also for not achieving enough success, irrespective of what we have achieved. We swear at ourselves, kick ourselves and perpetuate a belief system that is harmful, inaccurate and ultimately counterproductive.
So, what if kindness is standing between you and your personal growth?
What if we view the situation as it is rather than judging or punishing ourselves for milk that is already spilt? Treating ourselves with severity simply buys into the old, worn-out saying of “no pain, no gain”: the misconception that you have to hurt yourself in order to get on because you are not good enough as you are. However, this only reaffirms the story we have told ourselves time and again since forever: that unless we achieve XYZ, we are unworthy, unlovable and wholly deserving of punishment.
What if, for a change, we started to tell ourselves a different story?
What if we choose to be kind and focus on what we have achieved: on the strengths and attributes we do possess to get us out of a particular situation and resolve an issue – instead of listening to the violent voice of anger, sadness or inadequacy? If we recognise our ability to find solutions half as much as we cuss ourselves for problems and mistakes that occur, we’d have a much more accurate image of ourselves, our capacity and potential.
And maybe we should ask ourselves this: Would the same errors have occurred, had we chosen to view our efforts in a friendlier, kinder light?
Nobody ever thrived on violence, fear and anger. They cloud who we are, who we want to be and hold us back in our growth and happiness. The fact is our harshness towards ourselves is the problem, not the error itself. Hurt is toxic. How different might things turn out if we trusted ourselves to find solutions, if we had more faith in those around us, our nearest and dearest who have our backs, lend a kind ear and love us regardless? What if we listened to those voices instead?
So, look inside. Draw upon the wealth of resources you already possess to work out what you need next.
Sure, maybe you’re tough on yourself because you have high expectations and standards. You’re a perfectionist. You want to progress. Maybe you want to please or help. Maybe you feel busting your gut is the only way to be accepted, included or rewarded. But whose expectations are they really? And what if you just focused on accepting yourself – the person no one else can tell you how to be? Because being you is enough: the only thing you can or need to be.
Get in touch with me at Freeflow Coaching and rediscover the kinder, happier you.