You’ve heard it before, expressed in different ways and contexts. But what exactly do we mean by: the right people? You might get that jabbing feeling in your gut at the idea. It can hit a raw nerve if you’ve been having doubts about those you interact with on a daily basis in your work, personal or geographical surroundings. Or maybe because you just don’t like the sound of it, as if there’s something unnatural and contrived about it. But it’s not.
If you think this is about ruthlessly sourcing community for a particular purpose, think again. It’s about being happy, knowing who you are, what you want and need, and who is good for you energetically. It’s about sensing which environments you are able to thrive in and succeed, attracting and nurturing mutually enriching, positive connections. Because why would you want to surround yourself in anything less?
And yes, you choose.
The people we surround ourselves in reflect how we see ourselves in terms of self-image, interests, belief systems and goals. As Jim Rohn succinctly put it, you’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. And of course, these will generally change over the course of a lifetime to a lesser or greater degree. You’re not who you were at thirteen. Thank goodness! You’re more self-aware and clued-up. You might need a pal to play pc games with occasionally. But not all the time.
You grew, developed strengths, passions and values that make you – quite likely – no longer compatible with many of the companions you hung out with at that age. With exceptions, of course. You drifted, moved on, took different education and training paths. Your visions and evolving mindset led you elsewhere, attracted you to more likeminded types, those looking to explore and expand their knowledge, skills and success in a similar direction.
So, there are inevitably certain connections we need to let go of along the way in order to create the space, time and energy to invest in relationships that are relevant to the present version of ourselves and how we’re choosing to develop. We’ve all experienced that drained feeling after a particular meet-up. Maybe because the person leans on us too heavily, doesn’t share the same lust for life or desire to grow and succeed; constantly complains but doesn’t change anything. Or worse still, expressly holds us back and discourages us from achieving our own personal goals.
Nobody needs people like this in their life. If you have nothing in common with the people surrounding you, how can you expect them to relate to anything connected to your aspirations? How can you expect to grow?
Then there are those you’ve known for ages, don’t see or talk to so often but are still valuable friends because you have each other’s backs, best interests and successes at heart. There’s something kind and genuine that holds you together, more than just shared history or common ground: something positive, heart-warming and nourishing.
But there’s also the magic of meeting someone – even someone you’ve known for barely 5 minutes – who completely bounces off your personality, mindset and visions: the way you see life, whether professionally or personally. And that accompanying sense of: I want more of these connections. Because you can. It’s an empowering moment that fills us with energy and positivity. We feel we can achieve anything. And naturally, to meet more people we genuinely connect with, we have to consciously get involved in activities that excite and inspire us. We have to do more of what we love.
Sound too simplistic? Well, imagine what you’ll radiate if you continue to do the things you don’t enjoy or value.
In order to become the best version of ourselves, we need to engage with individuals who are equally committed to their own personal growth and success. Interacting with people who share our growth mindset heightens our awareness of who we really are, what we want and what we need to do more of to continue developing in the right direction. Sometimes, these influences come in the form of fleeting encounters on the road to our future. Other times, they are there for the ride because you complement each other, share commonalities and simply grow together.
Trust yourself. Listen to how you feel in yourself around certain people, not just emotionally, but also physically. Do you feel comfortable or tense, energised or exhausted? Do you notice yourself awkwardly scratching or clicking joints? Pay attention to your own body language, as well as that of others. Because ultimately, allowing yourself to engage with the right people who bring out the best in you is a sign that you’re respecting your own needs and pursuing the life you deserve.
Are you at a crossroads right now? If you need support building or rebuilding a strong, healthy community around you, get in touch with Freeflow Coaching.
